Another Bad Move
by BeingSecretive
Summary: (Sequel:Caught) Masaomi and Shizuo have lived happily together for a year; well, almost happily. When Masaomi starts struggling to pull enough money together to pay rent, he has to start borrowing from his lover, leaving him feeling awfully guilty. Only one person offers him the help he feels he needs, and Masaomi makes a very bad move. (Rated M for language and smut)
1. Planning

It had been an entire year since Masaomi and Shizuo had finally admitted their love for each other. Though it was a very strange day, they both recalled it every night in their dreams and fell in love with each other all over again. They made love that night for the very first time. Obviously, they had had sex plenty of times before, but that night was the first time they'd actually made love. It was the best thing Masaomi had ever experienced in his entire life. The feel of his lovers' hands gently, yet dominantly, running over his naked body and God the way it felt to be penetrated by him in a slow and sensual way; it gave the boy shivers just to think about it.

It was a year ago exactly today, the young blond recalled as he stared at the calendar beside his bed. He rolled over to find the empty sheets beside him. Figuring Shizuo had already gone to work, he stood and dizzily staggered to the bathroom. When he saw his reflection in the small mirror above the sink, it was like staring at a stranger and he sighed drastically. This was just depressing. Looking deep into his own amber eyes, he wondered for a moment if he was the only person he could read the pain in within the blankness. Maybe it was something that was very well hidden from the rest of the world. Maybe to everyone else, his eyes looked just as blank and dead as they had in his darkest days, and the dark circles all around them made them all the more ugly and disgusting. Also, the boy was white as paper and he caught himself questioning how Shizuo could possibly be in love with something so revolting. He rolled his eyes at himself, picking up his toothbrush and pasting a long line of minty toothpaste across it before shoving it lazily into his mouth.

While he brushed his teeth, he thought about the one day he and Shizuo had argued. It was a very petty thing to argue about, he thought, simply that the older man thought he should go back to school. Kida found this idea ridiculous; he was nineteen years old after all. So instead, in order to please his lover, the boy got a job in a run-down coffee shop in East Ikebukuro. It wasn't much, but it was enough to help him to afford to live without much help from Shizuo, and enough to make the older blond happy with his boyfriend. It sucked working there, Kida thought, but as long as it kept Shizuo happy he wasn't planning on quitting any time soon, even if the boss was difficult to work with. The boss was a middle aged man with a face full or wrinkles and dark gray hair; the side effects of his teenage years being filled with drug abuse, Masaomi figured. It was people like his boss that made him so glad he never got into drugs, despite being tempted several times, seeing it as a way out of his troubles with the man who could not be named. Though he wasn't sure how he could look much less appealing as he already did, it was probable that drug abuse would have somehow made that happen. The boss would always stare at Kida and his co-worker Rio with that same predatory glint in his eyes that the man who could not be named always had. This made Masaomi unbelievably uncomfortable in his working hours.

He was overwhelmed when he arrived at work and Rio Kamichika informed him his boss was absent from work. The young girls' eyes were almost as lifeless as Kida's himself, and he often wondered what had happened to her, but was never rude enough to pry. Kida took the orders today while his brunette co-worker prepared and served the drinks. There were never many customers at a time so this system worked just fine. The two of them had to wear the compulsory uniform of a green apron and a black cap, which was fair enough but quite unappealing. Not that Masaomi cared much; he would have looked ugly with or without the uniform. Drearily, he took the orders of the two regulars (a business man on his way to work and a single mother just on her way home from the school run) and Rio speedily whipped up their drinks. A new person walked in, signaled by the bell above the door, but it didn't interest Kida enough to make him look up from his notepad that he jotted down orders on.

"One regular tea with a biscuit," a familiar voice chimed. "Made with extra love." At that comment, Kida's head shot up to see the disgusting smirk that he feared so much on the man before him. The boy had managed so well to avoid this man who could not be named for so long. "Now what are you doing working in a run-down place like this?" Izaya sang mockingly.

"I'm sorry," he caught himself apologizing to this man. Old habits die hard. Quickly, he shook his head and shot an angry glare at his worst nightmare. "Get out. Right now. You're not welcome."

"I'm not welcome? You don't own this place Kida; you can't tell me what to do." And the smirk that followed almost made Kida fall to the floor and cradle himself in a corner. Masaomi looked around desperately for his boss, before remembering he was absent and sighing heavily. There was a long pause before he spoke.

"So that's a regular tea?" Izaya laughed at his feeble attempt to divert the conversation.

"Why am I so unwelcomed her Masaomi?"

"Just shut up," he rolled his eyes.

"How much are you getting paid her exactly, sweetie?"

Masaomi scrunched his face up. No way was he letting this pathetic man call him _**'sweetie'**_. It was so degrading. One part of him wanted to reach over and punch the man in the face, while another part of him wanted to run away screaming and crying. He didn't do either.

"Nine dollars an hour. Twenty hours a week. It's not much, but it's enough," The younger replied very simply. Why he felt the need to answer all of the order's questions baffled him, it was probably because of his constant fear of the man. Not that he could hurt him anymore; not now that he had Shizuo. Shizuo was his protection.

"I take it the brute is still having to help you pay your way then isn't he?" The man chuckled, a very ugly sound. Kida just looked away. This honesty did embarrass him, and he really despised talking about it. Taking money from Shizuo made him feel like such a bad person, and it always put a real downer on his mood. He wished he didn't have to, but there weren't many well-paying jobs he could get with no qualifications. The boy was a high school dropout, all thanks to the one man mocking him at that very second. "I know you don't like taking money from him. And you don't have too."

Kida snapped back to attention, his lifeless eyes finding the older man's devious ones staring right back at him, with a glint of excitement in them. It made him more afraid then he already way, but nevertheless, he pushed on. "I'm listening."

"I'm offering you a job Masaomi. One that others would kill for. Stop by my office tonight. You remember where it is, right?"

"H-how could I forget," he cursed himself for stuttering. The man took his drink and biscuit from Rio and without another word, he left the shop. It took Kida a while to notice Rio's deep brown eyes on him. He nodded to her before rushing into the staffroom and sitting on one of the uncomfortable plastic chair, his head in his hands_**. I will not cry**_, he told himself, and luckily he didn't_. __**Not now. Not here**__._ The blond stayed in the staff room comforting himself until his phone beeped, signaling it was time for his break. Figuring he was composed enough, he left the room and headed for the exit of the shop only to be stopped mid reach for the door handle by the sound of Rio's voice.

"Masaomi..." it took her a while to find the words."Who was that man?"

Masaomi hesitated. Was he allowed to tell her? But why wouldn't he be? He exhaled loudly before grasping the door handle and opening the door quickly, not turning to face the girl as he delivered his answer.

"Izaya Orihara," the name was like poison on his tongue, and tasted bitter in his mouth. To hear his own voice speak that name once again was like a living nightmare.

* * *

Shizuo roamed the busy streets beside Tom, not even noticing the presence of the crowds around him. All he could think about was Kida. It was their one year anniversary and he couldn't think of the proper way to celebrate such an occasion; he'd never had to do this before. The man thought about taking his boyfriend out for dinner, but that just seemed far to cliché, and not something that he or Kida would have enjoyed anyway. Whatever he did, it had to be really special. _**This is very frustrating**_ he thought, clenching his fists in his pockets. He really was no good at this romance stuff; Kida knew much more than he did.

"Something bothering you?" Tom quested, glancing back at his friend over his shoulder, his glasses falling to the end of his nose. Shizuo sighed. He found it very awkward to talk to Tom about Kida for some odd reason. His boss had never really met Kida, only once or twice and they only made small talk, so it wasn't as if the other man could really offer much help in these situations. Regardless, Tom was the only person he could talk to other than Celty, and she wasn't around right now.

"I just don't know what to do with Kida today."

"Oh yeah? His birthday or something?"

"Nah, our anniversary."

"Damn Shizuo! You should have said. I would have given you a day off!"

Shizuo waved a hand in a dismissive protest. "He's working today too anyways. His boss would never have given him the time off."

"Well...Just take the kid to a night club or something. He's nineteen now, that's why guys his age should be doing."

"Have you met the guy? He's not exactly like other guys his age. He's been through too much to be so ordinary. He's much too boring to have a good time at a night club."

"You know, at anyone else, that would be an insult. In fact, Masaomi would probably be offended by it."

"_**Kida's**_ not offended by anything I do." He accentuated Kida's name. It seemed more informal to call him 'Masaomi' and he hated in when Tom did that.

Tom made a sound of exasperation and gripped the bridge of his nose. "If you say so. Anyways, just take him to dinner. Or bingo, if he's as boring as you say he is."

"Very funny. I don't think he'd enjoy coming to dinner with me..."

"As long as he's with you, I'm sure he'll be fine." And with that, Tom continued walking which was an unspoken sign that Shizuo should follow. The blond pondered a moment, as he pulled out a cigarette and put it in his mouth, whether or not he ever had offended Kida. He hated to think he had, because he was very certain that his lover would not have told him. There was no way to read Kida's emotions. His eyes even showed nothing; they had been just as dead as usual. Every night, Shizuo prayed to a God he didn't believe in that one day, Kida could regain his youth, and maybe even just be happy again.

* * *

Finally, Kida reached the exact place he swore to himself he'd never go again. The building almost seemed to glare down at him, and he felt so very small. Clearing his mind of his fears and worries, he entered the building and went up to Izaya's office, cursing himself all the way. He had to keep reminding himself that he could definitely use whatever it was Izaya would offer him. Any pay rise would be a fantastic thing for him, lifting a huge weight off his shoulders. The thought of never having to borrow money from Shizuo ever again almost made him smile; almost.

When he entered the office, just about everything looked exactly the same. He heard a noise coming from the computer screen, and when he walked around the empty desk to look at it, he wished he hadn't. It was the video of him, being carelessly and violently fucked against a desk by Shizuo. Hearing his own cries on the video made him want to scream and run, just never stop running. But for some reason, oblivious to him, he just couldn't stop staring at the screen. Masaomi didn't even notice as Izaya entered the room from his bedroom.

"Shocking isn't it?" His voice, as it always did, snapped Masaomi back into attention. The boy stared at him from across the room with glassy eyes. "How horribly he used to treat you? He's such a beast."

"D-don't talk about him like that," Masaomi knew his eyes were still wide and he could barely even see out of them. The image on the screen was stuck in his head and he feared it. He feared the image of his own boyfriend.

Izaya slowly crossed the room to stand at Masaomi's side, and whisper in his ear.

"I know he still treats you like that Masaomi," he said in a hushed breathy voice as he reached out and grabbed Masaomi's wrist, yanking up the sleeve of his worn grey hoodie. There was a dark purple hand mark on his wrist that he purposefully kept hidden. How on Earth had Izaya noticed that? There wasn't a lot he didn't notice. So quickly that the young blond could barely comprehend what was happening, Izaya leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on the pulsing bruise, a comforting action that Kida reflexively jerked away from, almost losing his footing as he did so. The informant caught him with an arm around his waist before he could fall. He had a much lighter touch than Shizuo, Kida thought as he stared up into dark red eyes that didn't seem scary like usual, but more like a happy color. A color he could take comfort in. This was all an act, obviously, Kida knew that. He was not about to fall for it either, but it was nice to pretend for a while that someone noticed how hurt he was; Shizuo certainly didn't. As much as he loved the man, it was like he just assumed nothing he did or said could ever affect Kida in a negative way, and that was the only flaw the young blond could ever find in his boyfriend. However, it was a very big one.

"Stop it," Masaomi said, in a choked voice that could be easily mistaken for the voice of someone about to cry. That was one thing he would not allow himself to do in front of Izaya ever again. The informant pulled Masaomi back up onto his feet, and once safely on ground, Kida backed away from him. "Stop pretending like you care about me all of a sudden. Like you even know me."

"But I do know you Kida," chimed Izaya, taking a big step forward so that the two of them were inches apart. "I know you better than you know yourself. I see the blood coursing through your veins. I see more than you're pathetic excuse for a boyfriend does. I see you're not satisfied. I see the truth hidden in your lies. I know that you have no one who understands you; no one like me. And I know that someone who sees you like I do is exactly what you need. I see your guilt beneath all your shamefulness. I know how you think, I know your mindset. Looking at you, I can see your past. I see the scars. I know what you're scared of, what will make you breakdown and cry. I know you Kida. I know you like no one knows you."

That was the first time anyone had ever told Kida exactly what he himself saw when he looked in a mirror. He saw everything in himself that Izaya could see. And he loved it. To have someone understand him so deeply, know him so well. The idea that Izaya spent so much time looking at him, thinking about him, watching him to know so much; it made him feel so much happier than he thought this man ever could. All he'd ever felt for Izaya was a strong sense of fear and hatred. Now, he didn't even know what to think anymore. Obviously he couldn't just leap into his arms and forgive him. Not after everything he'd done. But he couldn't bring himself to walk away from the first person who really got him.

"You know me," was all he could say, and Izaya smiled, a smile that wasn't devious or sinister, but very calm. Kida wondered if it was a fake smile, but it looked pretty genuine to him. "I want to know you..."

"You want to know me?" He seemed to laugh little bit as he spoke. A cute chuckle rather than an ugly, throaty sound. Kida nodded. "Then you'll have to be around me more. I'm offering you a job as my secretary. Namie quit last week and I can't think of anyone I'd want around every day more than you, Kida. I pay you fifty dollars an hour and you'll work twenty five hours a week."

Hardly anyone called him Kida anymore. It was like a name that was reserved for Shizuo and Shizuo only, so it seemed slightly foreign on Izaya's lips. Nevertheless, the boy accepted it. Thinking of Shizuo made him have to face the problem that his boyfriend would never in a million years approve of him working for Izaya. "Okay. It's a deal." It would just have to be their little secret.

* * *

Once his office was entirely empty (Kida had hurried back home to the Brute after discussing his new job), Izaya flopped himself down gracefully onto his office chair. He stared out of his floor to ceiling windows for a moment with a blank expression. The fine line of his mouth gradually grew into a very wide smirk before he burst of laughing and started spinning his chair round and round.

"This'll be fun, this'll be fun, this'll be fun!"


	2. Vanilla and Rainy Days

It wasn't until eleven o'clock at night that Masaomi returned home. He scrambled up the four flights of stairs to the door of the cramped apartment that he and Shizuo shared. Preparing himself for anything, he shoved his key into the lock and twisted it with shaky hands. He didn't even notice the day fading away when he was at Izaya's. Shizuo would surely be very mad at him. The boy could only hope that his boyfriend had already retreated to bed. Hastily, he pushed open the door, squeezing his eyes shut as the usual quiet squeak increased its volume by thirty times; that's what it seemed like to him. Spotting the silhouette of two men on his couch he gulped down his fear. One of the man held a lit cigarette in his hand and was unmistakably, even from behind, Shizuo. Beside him however, was not a man, but rather a boy, of around Masaomi's own age, he assumed. As he stepped closer, the figures appeared in the light, and Masaomi could make out the ebony hair that he knew so well. The boy turned his head slowly and his face lit up with joy.

"Masaomi!" shrieked Mikado, jumping off of the couch and running to his best friend's side. "You're okay! Thank God! You are okay, right?" His expression suddenly turned troubled, and Kida chuckled before waving a hand dismissively.

"I'm just fine Mikado. I just went and got something to eat and got caught up talking to Simon, that's all." Kida, though this was news to even him, was a fantastic liar. He hadn't even noticed Shizuo had gotten up until the man's hands were grasping his shoulders tightly and his eyes were fixed intently on Kida's own. The boy almost found himself flinching away from the older blonde's touch. Grateful that he didn't, fearing what Shizuo's reaction to something like that would have ever been, he simply stared straight back. For a moment, he thought that maybe Shizuo could also see what Izaya could in his eyes. Read him like a book just by glancing. Unfortunately, he was proven wrong as Shizuo dropped his arms to his side and sighed almost angrily.

"Welcome home. And happy anniversary." The older man left the room in a miserable strop. He watched his boyfriend retreat to their bedroom and slam the door loudly behind him. The blond could feel Mikado's sympathetic gaze on him, but he just stared at the door. Mikado considered asking his best friend if he was okay, but quickly decided against it. What a stupid question that would have been.

Instead, he said "Masaomi...come and sit down."

Kida complied without another word on the matter, placing himself down silently on the couch beside his ebony haired friend.

"What're you doing here anyway?" the blond asked his tone a little harsher than he would have wanted. Instantly when he saw Mikado's hurt expression, he wished he'd never even asked.

"Shizuo called to see if you were with me. I got worried about you, so I came over to make sure you got home alright. When you weren't here, Shizuo let me in to wait with him, and we talked a while. He seemed really down. He told me all about how he'd planned to take you out tonight, Masaomi," Mikado explained, trying to read his friend's expression as he spoke, but got nothing. To him, Masaomi was an open book with blank pages. Sometimes, it made it difficult to hold a conversation with the boy without worrying he'd offended him. Everything about him was so blank these days.

Keeping a dead pan face, Masaomi thought to himself about how much he wished he could reverse the day. He felt so ashamed of himself. While Shizuo was doing nothing all day other than thinking of him, he was too busy with the man's worst enemy; not to mention the man Kida himself had hated just a few hours ago. When he spotted the crushed bouquet of flowers on the floor, he knew his expression had wavered, letting Mikado see just how horrible he truly felt. When had Shizuo because such a romantic anyway? He assumed Tom probably had something to do with all of this, and momentarily hated the man.

"Masaomi...it's okay, you didn't know..."

"Of course I knew. I knew it was our anniversary today. I should have wanted to be with him just as much as he wanted to be with me," Masaomi protested, talking more to himself than he was to Mikado.

"Maybe I should leave the two of you alone for a while," Mikado stated as he rose to his feet but was very shocked to be stopped, ever so suddenly, by Masaomi's hand grabbing his wrist. Looking down at his friend, he almost thought he saw a flicker emotion in his usually dead eyes; fear, maybe?

"No...I mean...Please stay, Mikado." And how could he say no to that face? Kida was really pleading.

He did stay a while, at least another hour, sitting and talking with his best friend. They laughed together and chatted about the meaningless little things in life, and it was almost, even just for a fragment of a second, like they used to be. Back when things were simple. But nothing, Mikado thought to himself as he left the eerily cold apartment, was as simple as it seemed anymore. Not since whatever had happened to Masaomi had happened. Still, he wasn't sure what it was, but he had learnt not to pry into it anymore. He left his best friend to resolve his relationship issues instead of avoiding them anymore and strolled home in the dead of night.

It took Kida a lot of confidence boosting to be able to enter the bedroom. When he finally got the courage to do so, he regretted it immediately. Shizuo was sat in the middle of the double bed, leaning back against the wall, casually smoking a cigarette. This was something Masaomi hated, and had banned him from doing in the bedroom, but as of right now this was the least of his worries. The entire room was completely trashed, only the bed remaining intact. How he and Mikado hadn't heard the chaos of destruction from next door, he didn't know. For a moment, Kida could only be glad that Shizuo had taken his anger out on their room rather than on him. Not that Shizuo had ever hurt Masaomi before; not intentionally anyway. The bookshelf that usually stood neatly against the wall was on the ground in two pieces, books scattered everywhere, and the small desk that usually sat next to it was also in two pieces. The light bulb had been ripped out of its place on the ceiling and was lying shattered on the ground beside the bed. Only the moon and city lights from outside provided enough brightness to be able to see the wreckage of the room. The mirrored wardrobe was in a horrid state, the two doors having been ripped off and the mirrors on them smashed. Masaomi then noticed that the only clothes inside the wardrobe were a small selection of Shizuo's clothes. Looking at the open window, the younger blond could guess what had happened to his own clothes. Kida, cleverly, decided to completely ignore the carnage. This was not a matter that needed discussing right away.

Cautiously, he went and sat down beside his boyfriend, crossing his legs and shuffling close to him. With chattering teeth, he slowly rested his head on the older blonde's shoulder, who seemed to tense under his touch. Quickly though, Shizuo relaxed and leaned his own head on top of Masaomi's, giving the young blond a great sense of relief.

"Sorry," the word came out in a low grumble from Shizuo, who proceeded to put his cigarette out against the wall and discard it onto the floor. Not even thinking, Masaomi crawled into his boyfriend's lap, putting both his legs either side of the man and smiling.

"No you're not," he whispered, leaning down to kiss the man's neck. Shizuo reached up and entangled his fingers in the young boy's hair, moaning quietly and contently, figuring he was going to have a good time tonight.

Masaomi knew this was wrong. Right now, this was the last thing he wanted to be doing, but he felt as if he owed at least this much to the older man. He let out a quiet whimper when he felt hands unbuttoning his jeans. Stumbling with the buttons on Shizuo's white shirt, he started to feel disgusted with himself. This was all he was good at really, wasn't it? The boy began to accept all he was good for was being a pretty boy who has great sex, while his lover fondled him through his boxers, the last bit of clothing that remained. Normally, this would be perfect for him, but nothing seemed right.

When the two had finally finished stripping each other, Kida realized he probably wasn't being believable enough. When was he ever quiet during sex?

"I want you Shizuo," he moaned loudly, clawing at his boyfriend's back needily. Learning how to do this had been easy with what he had been through. He could make anyone believe he liked it when really he hated himself on the inside. As Shizuo started to enter him slowly, memories of a much more horrific time started to flood back to him and he had to push them away with all his might. It wasn't long before Shizuo was ramming himself in and out of the boy beneath him, who let out loud and unashamed moans of pure pleasure. He even held a lustful gaze with the man, but only for a moment. The single moment before he started to cry, and was suddenly grateful that Shizuo had ripped out the lighting in his fit of rage. Kida couldn't remember that last time he cried; more like he didn't want to remember. As much as he tried to convince himself that this was how it should be, that he should be enjoying this, savouring and loving every moment of it, he simply couldn't. In the heat of the moment, Shizuo grabbed his boyfriend's shoulder to steady himself as he leaned down and kissed him. That would bruise. Quite badly as well, Kida thought as he felt the searing pain in his collar bone.

For a moment, Kida thought about Izaya. About how gentle his touch had been today in comparison to Shizuo's rough grip. About how he could see all the suffering Kida hid, and how Shizuo saw nothing. And finally, about the comforting look in his eyes as he reassured him everything would be okay just before he left the office. Then, he moaned loudly, and released over Shizuo's chest. All the time, thinking of Izaya.

* * *

That morning, he was awoken by rough shaking. Opening his eyes slowly, he caught a glimpse of the clock before he spun round to face the person interrupting his slumber so rudely. Six am. And the first face he saw was Shizuo's, which, unlike it had last night, made him glad. He couldn't remember the last time he hadn't woken up alone, so it was nice to finally get to wake beside his boyfriend.

"I wanted to talk to you before I go. I miss you sometimes," Shizuo muttered groggily. He sounded like he too had only just woken.

"I miss you too," Kida replied truthfully nuzzling his boyfriend's neck and wrapping an arm tightly around him.

"Also, I sort of threw all your clothes out yesterday..."

"I noticed."

"You'll have to wear something of mine."

"I'm going to look completely ridiculous."

The two chuckled quietly together before Kida realized exactly who it was that he would be looking completely ridiculous in front of. Today was his first day working for Izaya, something he definitely wouldn't be informing Shizuo of any time soon. He thought of how embarrassing it would be turning up dressed in stupidly oversized clothing to his first day at work and cringed. Also, he'd probably be late. The blond recalled Izaya telling him he had to be in by seven, but he didn't normally leave until seven, and Shizuo would start getting suspicious if Kida left at the same time he did, which was a reasonable six-thirty. But he tried to push away all his thoughts so that he could just have this moment with Shizuo.

"I'll buy you some new stuff while I'm out with Tom today," Shizuo's sleepy voice interrupted his thoughts, and his words made the little blond blush.

"You don't have to do that for me, Shizuo..."

"I want too." Shizuo smiled as he spoke. With that, he spun around quickly and got out of bed, heading for the bathroom, leaving a disappointed Kida in bed alone. He wanted to continue cuddling his boyfriend forever. He wanted it never to feel wrong to have Shizuo touch him again, but somehow he knew it would. Things could never be like that anymore, and though Kida did not know why, he just knew they wouldn't.

While he waited for Shizuo to get ready and leave, he looked down at his body. He was still naked from last night and was covered in quite a few more bruises than he thought he would have. The one on his shoulder that he had expected was by far the worst, a horrible purple blotch of skin about the size of, well, Shizuo's hand. But there were also some bruises on his legs, and even a few on his chest. Not being able to stand the sight of himself, he quickly recovered himself, just as Shizuo entered the room, fully dressed and ready to go.

"Take whatever you want of my clothes. I'll be back pretty late tonight, alright?"

"Okay. Sure."

"Try and enjoy yourself at work Kida. I love you. Bye," he headed for the door.

"Love you too, bye. Shizu-chan," the young blond teased, smirking.

"Stop that you," Shizuo warned playfully, grinning to himself as he left, closing the door quietly behind him.

Kida got up the second Shizuo left and rushed to get ready, choosing a thick, dark grey sweater of Shizuo's and thankfully finding a pair of his own black skinny jeans on the floor where Shizuo had missed the window. The sweater was huge, but it would have to do. Luckily though, as if to make up for how ridiculous it looked, it did smell of Shizuo, which was a warm comforting smell for Kida.

When he finally arrived at work at seven-thirty, Izaya did not look angry as he had thought he would, but more disappointed. This expression however, faded almost as soon as Masaomi had realized it, and Izaya was chuckling quietly. Masaomi was confused for only a few seconds before he realized Izaya was laughing at him. The boy blushed. Praying Izaya didn't notice, he said "Don't laugh. I know it looks stupid."

"Why on Earth are you wearing that?" he asked, still giggling to himself.

"Shizuo and I had a little argument and-"

"I can see that," Izaya interrupted, instantaneously losing his laughter as he crossed the room to Masaomi's side, pulling the sweater down where it covered his collar bone to see the big, purple bruise underneath. "He did this to you?"

"Not on purpose," Kida replied defensively, pushing Izaya's hand away, disliking the way it felt to have him touching him. While he trusted the man enough to work for him, he still felt slightly uncomfortable around him. As if sensing this, Izaya backed off a bit, with a frown nonetheless.

"You're late by the way."

"I know...Sorry. I slept in," but he knew Izaya would see through his lie. Lucky enough, he didn't point it out.

"Why don't you go and change into something of mine? That must be awfully uncomfortable, and my clothes will probably fit you better," he suggested, with an inviting smile on his lips. Kida considered this for a moment. He didn't want to lose the smell of Shizuo, but then again, he wouldn't mind gaining the scent of Izaya. Also, it would be a lot more comfortable. Deciding it would be his best option, he nodded gratefully. "I'll be right back with something for you to wear," Izaya remarked, and headed off to his bedroom.

With a hasty moment of consideration, Kida lifted the sweater up over his head, leaving him shirtless in Izaya's office, something he never thought he'd be ever again. The beating of his heart quickened and seconds passed as hours while he waited for the older man to return. Finally, Izaya re-entered, holding a white polo shirt and stopped dead in his tracks seeing Masaomi, bare chested in front of him. This honestly did shock him. Quickly, he shook his head and threw the shirt to Masaomi, turning around and walking to his desk. Kida pulled the shirt on. It was still slightly oversized, but it was also much smaller than Shizuo's sweater, and not nearly as heavy. It smelled, very strongly of Izaya. A mysterious scent of vanilla and rainy days. An aroma that Masaomi simply couldn't stay away from. The only downside of the new shirt was that it left him feeling pretty cold as it was not exactly practical for the weather and Izaya clearly didn't believe in central heating or something stupid like that. He shivered a little as he sat down on the couch.

"Cold?" Izaya said, not even glancing up at him from his laptop.

"Y-yeah, a little."

"Put on my coat if you like. It's next to you."

The blond glanced at the couch beside him, where sure enough, the informant's coat was lying. Well, what a warm welcome he was getting. Cautiously, he pulled on the infamous coat and huddled into it's warmth. He didn't notice Izaya's eyes on him until he heard the informant chuckle under his breath. He glanced up quickly, meeting his gaze.

"What?"

"It suits you."

Kida blushed, "Thanks." He looked away from Izaya's smirk, knowing the man had noticed his pink cheeks and beginning to feel embarrassed. "Is there anything I need to do...?"

"Actually, I need you to take this to Shinra," he replied, dropping a package down onto the desk in front of him. It landed with a very loud, intimidating thud.

"So I'm doing deliveries then, huh?" Kida remarked sarcastically, rising to his feet and crossing the room the stand on the desk before the man. He leaned both his elbows on the desk, bending forward to do so. Izaya grinned at him.

"We talked about this yesterday," he replied with a smile, leaning forward so their faces were inches apart. "You're not my secretary like Namie was. You're my assistant. You get the jobs done for me while I'm too busy to do them."

"You don't look all that busy to me," Kida said, again in a giddy voice, leaning in a little more. Izaya copied him in moving in and also in his tone of voice.

"Well I am. Very, very busy in fact. So run along now, Kida," he chuckled.

Kida rolled his eyes and hauled himself back up to stand straight again, lifting the package off of the desk, not without struggle and heading over to the door.

"Oh and Kida?"

Kida turned around expectantly.

"Be careful. It's fragile."

* * *

When Shinra opened the door to see a young blond wearing Izaya's coat, he was very much surprised. Especially when he noticed who exactly this boy was.

"Masaomi?"

"Hey Shinra. Izaya wanted me to deliver this," he was holding out a package to the doctor. The man took it with a confused expression. There were so many questions he wanted to ask the young blond but he was already gone. Looking around desperately for him, even calling the boy's name to bring him back, Shinra pondered over what could have possibly brought the boy to be doing Izaya's work. Of course, he knew exactly how he had been involved with Izaya in the past, but was unaware as to what Kida was doing around the man now that he was happily settled down with Shizuo. He shrugged it off and went back inside, sitting on the couch beside Celty and opening the package.

'Who was it?' She typed, shoving the screen into Shinra's face. He smiled.

"It was Masaomi. Apparently he's delivering for Izaya now," Shinra shrugged, and Celty, just as he himself had, seemed shock. Despite being literally expressionless, she still had emotions that Shinra could read without thought. It was probably why he always understood Kida too, while no one else ever seemed to.

'I'm gonna catch up to him. He shouldn't be around Izaya anymore. Something's probably wrong.' Read the words on the screen as Celty rose to her feet.

"I wouldn't, Celty. He didn't really seem unhappy. But you could go grab us some coffee from the cafe down the street if you're planning on going out."

'The one where Rio works?'

"Yeah!"

'Okay. I'll be right back.'

And with that, she was gone.

* * *

Kida spent the rest of the day doing very insignificant and simple tasks for Izaya, who seemed pleased when the young blond returned at 7 that night, the exact time he was supposed to finish work. Masaomi went and sat on the desk in front of Izaya, like he used to do in darker days. This seemed to surprise the man, but he did not protest. Only stared.

"Tell me."

"Tell you what?"

"Tell me what it is exactly that you actually do."

Izaya smirked and replied, "The world is strange Kida. But I understand it. Unlike everyone else, and I mean everyone, I can actually grasp the concepts of the world. It's all a game. It's all about psychology, what I do, and the information is always there. It's in your skin and tangled in your hair," he thoughtlessly ran a hand through Kida's hair as he spoke. To both his surprise and the blonde's surprise, Kida did not flinch and nor did he push the man's hand away. Simply warmed into the man's touch. "My job is simply about everything; I just cut it open and explore the information in the maze that makes humans who they are. It's a lot more complicated than that, but also a lot more fun."

"That doesn't even make any sense," Kida said, but he had a smile on his face as he slid down off of the desk. It was then that he realized he'd trapped himself. Both of Izaya's legs were on either side of him and he was leaning against the desk. This however, did not scare him like it once would have done. It almost made him excited. Izaya, as if sensing this, smirked and took hold of both of the boy's hands. Kida let him. He considered for a moment, sitting down in the informants lap. He didn't.

The black haired man leaned his head forward, and Kida pressed their foreheads together without thinking. For the first time, Masaomi thought, he desperately ached all over to touch Izaya more. To kiss him and hold his body against his own. Never before had he felt such want for this man, but he was sure Izaya felt it too. Certain.

Their lips were close enough now that they had to breathe each other in. Kida got the same scent of vanilla and rainy days that he got from the coat and breathe it in calmly, loving every moment of it.

Izaya got the smell of mountains and the outdoors with the taste of strawberries. He embraced the scent and moved in closer to the young blond. While he breathed in the boys scent, he remembered the whole night he'd spent thinking about it. Just the way the boy had his own little quirks. The way he blushed whenever Izaya would point anything out, the way he would fall so easily into his touch. The boy's bruises were also now a part of who he was. Izaya recalled thinking about the way he assumed the boy would taste now. He decided that probably tasted of strawberries, and with their lips this close together, Izaya already had the taste on his tongue, and he craved so much more.

Rudely, the buzzing of Kida's cell phone interrupted their moment. The blond quickly jerked back from Izaya the second he had heard it, jumped over the desk and crossed the room to the door. Flipping open his cell phone, he answered with a quiet and breathy "Hello?" his gaze not averting from where Izaya sat. The informant pouted unhappily, looking very disappointed.

"Hey," it was Shizuo's voice on the line, making Masaomi's heart beat quicken. What did he know? "Tom's letting me off early. I'll be home soon. Where are you?"

"That's great! I'm just about to leave work now, I'll be home soon too," he responded, hoping his voice wasn't representing his emotions. He was scared, scared that Shizuo would find out somehow what was going on here. The boy was also feeling a longing sense of want. Want, not for Shizuo, but for Izaya.

"Oh, alright. I guess I'll you soon then,"

"Yeah,"

"Love you."

"..." He shared a heated gaze with Izaya across the room before he replied. "I love you too."

* * *

When Kida left the office, he was still wearing both Izaya's shirt and his coat, but the informant refrained from telling him. If it would cause trouble between the couple, which he knew it was, he wasn't going to stop it. In fact, it was the very thing he was hoping for.

Izaya stared disgustedly at Shizuo's sweater that Kida had left on his floor. The man would pay for interrupting their moment. The informant really had thought he would finally get to taste the lips he had been craving so badly, and to touch the boy he'd missed so much. Not that he liked to think about how much he really had missed Masaomi.

As much as he disliked it, it was a fact. Masaomi was no longer something he could look at as a piece of gum on the bottom of his shoe. He couldn't even pretend to hate the boy and only love his body anymore. Everything about Masaomi Kida was just so exciting. And not even Izaya could figure out whether he wanted him around simply because he was so exciting.

Or because he was in love with the boy.

Either way, he knew he was going to have a lot of fun.


	3. A Sick Joke

Kida huddled into Izaya's coat as he trudged home unhappily. Despite the fact that it wasn't all that late, about six the blond thought, it was already starting to get dark. The streets were swamped with people retreating back home after a long day's work, and Kida was for some reason creating a path amidst the crowds. People everywhere moved aside for him. Usually, he was simply ignored, walked into, brushed past, disregarded, but not now. It took him a while, but he soon realized it was because of the infamous informants coat. So Izaya really was feared by everyone in this city now then.

It didn't occur to him until he shoved open the heavy door to he and Shizuo's apartment that his boyfriend would indefinitely recognize the coat. There was no time to think, as the second he entered the room, he was greeted with a cheery 'welcome home' call from the kitchen, where Shizuo obviously was. Tossing the coat idly into the bathroom, the closest room to the door, he strolled as casually as he could muster, into the kitchen. There was a brilliant aroma in the air.

"What's cookin', good lookin'?" he joked, with a smirk, as Shizuo approached him and placed a gentle kiss on his forehead. It was a rare occurrence to see Shizuo cooking, which was probably because he wasn't all that much of a gourmet chef to say the very least. This meal however, did smell and from what Kida could spot, look absolutely delicious.

"Meh, just a stir fry. Figured I'd treat you to my fabulous cooking. How was work?" Though Kida knew his boyfriend was simply trying to make small talk, the question made him nervous.

"Just uh, the usual."

"Did you meet Mikado today? He called and said you didn't show up when you usually go see him..."

"Um, oh yeah. I was, err, busy, I guess." What the hell had happened to being a good liar?

"...Alright. What are you wearing by the way? That's not mine..."

"No. It's not..." he panicked, searching his head unsuccessfully for an appropriate answer. Silently, he cursed himself for not changing before he left Izaya's. "I went out today and bought it."

"Thought you said you were busy," his tone was still casual, but Kida could feel sweat forming on his forehead. The room suddenly grew ten times hotter. Why he was so afraid of Shizuo finding out was oblivious to him, it wasn't as if he was doing anything wrong with Izaya. _Not yet anyway_, he thought and mentally punched himself straight afterwards. He was in love with Shizuo, not Izaya. That's what he had to keep repeating in his head until it was once again set straight.

"Yeah. I was. I'm gonna go change," he said evasively, and darted off straight to the bedroom before the older man could respond. Shrugging it off, Shizuo finished up his cooking and dished it up onto two plates, just before there was a loud, demanding knock at the door. He tutted, but went to answer it anyway. What he was not at all expecting was to see the headless rider standing right on his doorstep. The two of them had not spoken in a very long time, so it was a surprise to see Celty once again. A pleasant one, nonetheless. He regarded her with a half-smile and opened the door wide, an inviting gesture.

"Celty. Good to see ya'. Do you need something?"

She typed with alarmed speed, Shizuo noticed, and his expression turned from calm to stern. Preparing himself for bad news, he leant against the door frame and crossed his arms, staring down at Celty so that his sunglasses fell to the bottom of his nose.

'I need to talk to you. It's about Kida.' The words on the screen read, and Shizuo regarded them with a suddenly panicked look about him.

"What about him?"

'Is he here?'

"Yeah..."

'Then we need to go somewhere private.'

"What's this about Celty? I'm not-" Her loud and persistent typing cut him off and he sighed in exasperation before the words on her screen snapped him straight back to attention.

'It's about Izaya. It's Izaya and Kida.'

Sharply, Shizuo turned his head to look back at the vacant living room. Kida, looking tired and confused, staggered out of the bedroom in nothing but some old sweatpants. The older man's expression did not waver as he pushed his sunglasses back up to the bridge of his nose and let out a breath he did not know he was holding.

"Kida," the boy looked at him, a longing and adorable gaze that Shizuo could hold forever. "I'm gonna head out for a while. Food's in the kitchen."

"...Alright. Come home soon...Please."

"...Yeah." With that, he left.

* * *

Izaya sat idly at his desk, fiddling a piece of yellow fabric between his fingers. It upset him to lose Masaomi so quickly. He had the little blond right where he wanted him. Of course, the brute would call him then, just when everything was falling into place. Desperately waiting for a new day to spend with his little Kida, he attempted to work to pass the time. Unfortunately, it just wasn't enough to occupy the informants mind. He was considering heading out to play in his city for a while when there was a quiet, gentle knock on his office door. Baffled, he crossed the room and opened it, and was for once, surprised by what he saw.

A girl, with light brown hair in two pigtails with gentle curls. Her face was pale and she had very empty brown eyes. Eyes that flooded back memories of Kida into the confused informant's mind, who stared blankly at the girl in front of him. She wore a complimentary black, low cut dress, which just about reached her knees.

"Can I help you sweetheart?" he questioned patronizingly, a smirk growing on his face which the girl seemed to flinch away from.

"So it is you..." she replied, staring up at him with seemingly no emotion in her eyes. Just like his little Kida. "You don't remember me?"

"Can't say you're all that familiar. Though you do remind me of someone I'm rather fond of, so I'd love for you to come in for a little while. We can have a little chat over coffee if you'd like." He smiled, a sultry smile. His tone invited confidence in a way that the girl could not ignore. She entered the room without another word shared between the two and sat down on one of the couches that stood opposite each other in the very center of the room. The informant sat facing her, the same smirk plastered onto his face.

"I can't stay for long," she muttered under her breath, seemingly avoiding the man's eyes at all costs. He raised an eyebrow, but decided to dismiss it.

"That's fine dear. Now, would you like to tell me who you are? Or at least why you're here."

The brunette girl paused for a moment, as if considering her next words. Her eyes, previously fixated on the ground, rose slowly to study Izaya's face. To her delight, he still looked just as puzzled as he had when he had opened the door. All the things she wanted to say to this man danced around in her head, and she could only bring herself to form one of these things into a coherent sentence.

"Stay away from Kida. Leave him alone...He's only just started getting better."

Now this was interesting. For a very brief moment, Izaya was partially shocked. What connection did this girl have to Kida? But once the shock faded, he was nothing if not extremely pleased. Here she was, an instant link to Kida sitting right in front of him. She'd dragged herself in far too deep to get out just by coming here.

"Why would I listen to you? I don't even know your name," he responded with a teasing smirk as she glared harshly at him.

"I'm Rio Kamichika. About two years ago, you taught me an awful lot. There is not a day that goes by when I don't think about you, Izaya Orihara. And when Kida told me who you were, I knew that you must have taught him an awful lot too. Probably some lessons he did not want to learn. So I'm asking you to leave him alone. He's happy where he is now. With Shizuo." but even Rio herself was uncertain.

"Are you sure of that? Because I think I can make him much happier than he can ever be with that...monster."

* * *

Smoke hung loosely in the air around the two, from the lit cigarette in the blond man's hand. In silence, they sat together, one typing vigorously, the other waiting with a calm patience. Shizuo Heiwajima took a long drag from his cigarette and blew it out in a slow, long breath. Throwing his head back, he sighed loudly, just as the woman, all dressed in black beside him, completed her essay. She forced the screen into the man's face and he pushed her back very gently so that he could comprehend the words before him.

'Shinra was expecting a delivery from Izaya today, but it wasn't Izaya who was at our door. It was Kida. I didn't see him, but Shinra told me, he was there, delivering for Izaya. He was even wearing his coat! I didn't believe him at first, but then again, why would he bother lying about something like that? I was going to try and catch up with him, make sure he was okay, but Shinra told me not too. He said that Kida looked happy. Not at all uncomfortable or upset or hurt. Then I went to get coffee where Kida works and he sure as hell wasn't there. It was only Rio, so I asked her where he was. She told me he quit yesterday. She also mentioned that he left with a man who he called 'Izaya Orihara' yesterday too. I think you should definitely talk to Kida. As soon as possible.'

Though Shizuo did not know what to expect, it definitely was not this. So last night. The night of their anniversary. Kida had spent that night with Izaya, doing God knows what. The possibilities of this seemed so unlikely; he just couldn't fathom how Kida could do something like that to him. Clearly, Shizuo was wrong to think his boyfriend was happy. He would never have done something like this if he were content with where he was. Every part of him felt somewhat broken, and almost, even if just for one second, he thought he might even cry.

Then, in a matter of moments, Shizuo wasn't upset anymore. Not at all upset. He was angry. He was very, very angry. In the rage of the moment, Celty no longer existed, and her hand clamping on his wrist was nothing but a bug that he swatted away with ease as he stormed off to nowhere in particular. Well, that's what he was hoping for until he found himself outside of the flea's office. With no reluctance, he barged straight in and up to the office he knew too well. Shizuo did not knock, simply destroyed the door that stood between him and his prey. It was then that he realized his feet had not taken him to Izaya's like he had suspected they had. The office was simply his imagination, he noticed, as he found himself within the confines of his own apartment. His apartment that he shared with Kida.

The younger blond poked his head out of the bedroom, a look of fear on his face, soon replaced by relief when he saw his lover.

"Shizuo, what's the matter? You broke the door again, idiot, we only just got that fixed last week-"

"Masaomi," Shizuo interrupted. This brought the boy to attention. Kida couldn't recall the last time the older man had called him 'Masaomi'. It seemed so wrong. Foreign on his boyfriend's lips.

"Is something wrong?"

"Yes. Something is very wrong."

"What is it Shizuo?" he questioned, in a tone full of concern as he scuttled over to stand in front of his boyfriend. Shizuo regarded the young blond with a look of disgust, which Kida noticed, and took straight to the heart.

"I'll tell you what's wrong. You're lying to me. Are you unhappy with me Masaomi? Is that it? Am I not good enough for you? Not exciting enough? Maybe it's that I'm too safe for you. Is it not as thrilling being with me as it is being with him? Or maybe you think it's fun. The exhilaration of it. The thought that you could get caught with him at any moment. Is that it? Does he make you feel so good, so much better than I ever can? Does he show you love like me? Oh no, that can't be it. He can't love. He's a demon. He can't love he can only want. Hey maybe you're just like him, in that sense then!-"

"Shizuo!" The pained cry from Kida made him stop his rant to stare down at the boy. "Stop it. Please! You're hurting me!" He didn't know when he'd grabbed the boy's wrists, or when he'd started gripping so tightly. Instantly, he released the young blond, and took a step back, staring bewildered at the sight before him. Kida was crying, like Shizuo had never seen him cry before; not since Izaya had caused it. But it wasn't Izaya's fault. It was him. He'd made Kida cry, for the first time that he knew of in two whole years. "Shizuo..." he whimpered, very quietly as the tears poured.

"...Kida, I-"

"Don't. It's my fault...Shizuo, I'm so sorry!" Impulsively, he wrapped his arms around his boyfriend, burying his face in the man's chest and sobbing loudly. To his surprise and comfort, the man responded by gently returning the hug, placing countless kisses on the boy's head and whispering muffled apologies. "It was none of those things...It was just...The money...We need the money Shizuo...He isn't. Touching me. He isn't, I swear it, and if he ever does, I'd tell you. But he's not. He's letting me work and he's paying me so much and we need that so much Shizuo. We could buy a house; like we talked about Shizuo. A big house for both of us. And we can finally be happy."

But Shizuo knew better. A fairy tale ending for Kida and himself was not what Izaya was planning to get out of this. "Do you trust Izaya, Kida?"

"...Yes."

"Then say it."

"...I trust him."

"You can't even say his name out loud Kida. From what I know, you haven't said it since the last time we saw him."

"I trust Izaya."

"I don't."

Kida stared up at his lover with glassy eyes and sniffled quietly. Shizuo did not have to speak another word; the young blond knew what he had to do. Quietly, he pulled away from the hug they shared and started unwillingly for the door.

"For you..." he mumbled, still sobbing quietly. "I'll do this for you Shizuo."

"Thank you, Kida. Be careful."

* * *

Rio trekked home alone in the pitch black darkness. The streets, though still busy, were about as empty as they ever got by now. Yanking her dress down, she thought of Kida. Izaya had promised her that his intentions were not to hurt him, and for some reason, she had believed him. There was a somewhat genuine look about him when he mentioned helping the boy.

She stopped dead in her tracks as a boy with bottle blond hair passed her. Heading for Izaya's office, she noticed. With hesitation, she glanced back at him, to see he too had stopped and was gazing back at her with eyes that carried so much discarded emotion. Just like her own. He nodded to her, a silent gesture that everything was okay, and she nodded back, before turning and continuing on home. And she prayed very briefly, thought she did not know if anyone was listening, or if anyone was even there to listen. Rio prayed for Kida; that he really was okay. And that he would get to stay that way.

* * *

There was a lot of unresolved tension between the two. Izaya and Kida stared at each other, standing at barely centimeters apart behind his desk, where they had been before in a rather heated moment. A moment that Kida knew he could never experience again. Gently, Izaya held the young blonde's hand, moving his other hand up to push up the sleeve of his own coat that the boy was wearing. When he saw the red skin in the shape of a hand, he knew exactly what had happened. Internally laughing, he stared at Kida with a look of resentment. Resentment that Kida knew, was not for him, but for the man he loved; Shizuo. The man who had hurt him, but still the man he loved.

"You can stay with me," Izaya blurted out, mentally cursing. Where did that come from?

"No. I can't."

Words began pouring out of the informant's mouth. Words that he did not like the sound of.

"But you can. Just tell me if you need someone there, to hold you and help you fall asleep tonight. Just tell me and I'll do it. Tell me anything. I'll do it. Anything, Kida."

"Izaya, you can't. I know what I want from you and you cannot give it to me."

"What. What Kida? What do you want from me?"

"I want you to love me. And that's something you can't do."

"Then tell me Kida! Tell me how to fall in love the way you want me to!"

Kida stared with wide eyes at the informant, who finally caught hold of his tongue and took control of his words once again.

"...I-"

"No. You don't have to say anything Izaya. In fact, please don't. I understand now." With a smile, he reached up, grabbed the informant by the shirt and pulled him into a passionate kiss. A kiss full of emotions that Kida couldn't communicate through words, but knew that Izaya would understand him this way. A heated kiss.

A kiss that was wrong.

A kiss that destroyed everything he once knew.

* * *

Kida was on top of Izaya, on the informant's desk, kissing him and ripping at his clothing. The raven haired man, who had never in all his years seen the young blond like this, was amazed, glad and most of all, turned on. Finally, he'd gotten his little Kida back, and all it took was spouting some bullshit about how he wanted to love him. Though he wasn't entirely sure that it was all as much as a lie as he desperately wanted to believe it was, he pushed that thought to the back of his mind. He'd think about it later. Right now, all he wanted to focus on was Kida. The man wanted to touch every inch of the boys body, to breathe in what he probably never would get again. He ran his hands down the boy's bare chest. Quickly and gently, he grasped Kida's bruising wrists and kissed them almost apologetically, as if he were the one who had left the marks there. He stared at the forming bruises for a moment, before looking back at the fading ones that were dotted all over the young blonde's naked body. The boy squirmed on top of him and sighed.

"I know it's bad. Please don't stare like that..."

"I'm sorry...I just can't believe he can't see what he's doing to you," Izaya whispered, before placing gentle kisses along Kida's collar bone. Then he sucked gently, deciding he would leave a mark of his own. Then, he stared up into the glassy eyes of his little blond, and read every single word that the boy could not bring himself to say out loud. _I'm disgusted. Every time I even so much as catch a glimpse of my body in the mirror, it makes me physically sick. I'm ashamed and embarrassed by it. But he never does seem to notice. The same way he never notices anything. Nothing. I was so scared that when you saw me, you wouldn't want me anymore. I thought you'd cringe away from the sight of me, the way that I do when I see myself. And I wouldn't have blamed you if that's what you did. Yet, you didn't. How? How can you still want something so grotesque? How could you love me, even like this?_

Seeing these unspoken words in the boy's eyes made Izaya think. Really, the answer was rather simple. But he'd never say it out loud. Never would he ruin such a perfect moment between the two of them. So he lied instead, "You're still beautiful to me Kida," he spoke huskily, "these little marks are only a part of you for now. They'll fade over time. They will go away." Almost too harshly, he pulled Kida's head down so he could whisper in his ear. "But the memories won't. Leave him while you can still bare to live with yourself." Upon his last words, he felt the boy tremble beneath his hold, and loosened his grip significantly.

"I can't make that sort of decision. Not right now, Izaya. Right now, I just want you...Just once more..."

Kida really did make it hard to refuse him. Not in any circumstance would Izaya turn down the offer to have Kida moaning and screaming beneath him again, **_just once_**_** more**._ The informant got rid of the clothing Kida couldn't quite get, until he was completely naked and pulled his blond in for a passionate kiss. He let his hand travel down to grasp Kida's member and was proud of the little squeal he got for a reaction. This was his night. No Shizuo to interrupt. Tonight was all about Izaya. Quickly, the older man switched their positions, without much protest from Kida, so he was looming over the younger blond with a predatory smirk playing on his lips. As he began kissing and gently running his tongue along Kida's neck, he figured if Shizuo was allowed to leave his beastly marks all over his play things, Izaya himself should be entitled to do so too. He sucked the boy's neck until a small hickey formed, then he was pleased. Kida's breathing was irregular as he stared up with lustful eyes at Izaya. Clearly Shizuo just wasn't pleasing his little blond enough recently, and Izaya nearly had to laugh at that. Composing himself enough not to chuckle, he quickly reached over Kida to retrieve the yellow scarf from the desk that he had been playing with earlier. He twirled it between his fingers until the younger boy had noticed the yellow fabric and froze completely.

"Relax Kida. Just for old times sake?" he smirked.

Masaomi paused for a brief moment, hesitation clear in his features. "I suppose," he finally said, "if that's what you want."

With a sense of victory, Izaya carefully tied the scarf around Kida's eyes and fastened the knot tightly enough that it would definitely not come off without an awful lot of tugging. Pleased, he entered the boy in one swift movement, without any form of warning whatsoever. The two moaned in unison, Kida significantly louder than Izaya, which seemed to satisfy the other. With all the moans and even some screams of absolute pleasure escaping Kida's lips, neither of the two noticed Kida's cell phone ringing in the pocket of his discarded jeans. For a moment, Izaya seemed to slow down in stages until he came to a complete stop in his thrusts. Kida whimpered in response.

"Tell me something Kida. Something that will make me want you," he whispered huskily, before continuing his thrusts incomparably slow to their previous session. Desperately, Kida wanted, no **_needed,_**more from Izaya, just a little more if that's all he could get. There was only one possible thing he could conjure up that might make the man content, or maybe just humour him enough to want to continue. _  
_

"I think of you..." he breathed heavily between his words, "When I'm with him, all I can think about is you...I can't kiss him without tasting you...You're always on my mind when he should be."

As Kida had predicted, this fulfilled the informant's needs enough to make him go on how they were, until both of them came, Kida all over Izaya's chest and Izaya inside Kida. For Kida though, the pleasure was heightened, since the blindfold blocked his sight all of his other senses were on alert, especially his sense of touch. And, God, Izaya definitely knew how to touch him in all the right places. Assuming this would all he'd be lucky enough to get, the informant climbed off of the young blond, who stayed panting on the desk. Speedily, he jogged into his room, cleaned himself up and got changed. When he returned to his main office room, the raven was very content with the sight before him. His little blond was still full-frontal naked, sitting up on his desk and struggling with the tightly tied blindfold. Noiselessly, Izaya approached him and aided him with gentle hands, which made the boy jolt in surprise.

"Zaya?" he questioned in a short breath. The man chuckled gravelly before replying.

"Yeah. It's me." Easily, he got the knot in the scarf unfastened and when Kida craned his neck to look at the man, he placed a meaningful kiss on the young boy's lips. He sat down as Kida gathered up his clothes and got dressed again, pulling his phone out of his pocket and staring at the screen in pure horror. "Is it him?" Izaya asked, sounding concerned.

"Yeah. I'll just tell him you were being persistent," Kida said, not sounding at all ashamed of what he had done. It probably hadn't sunken in yet, Izaya thought, as the boy headed for the door with a smile plastered on his face. He guaranteed that Kida had not smiled like that in a long time, and that thought itself gave him a huge sense of pride. "Izaya?" Kida stopped as he reached the door, his hand clasping the handle as he turned to look at the raven, who glanced up at him in simple acknowledgment. "I can come back tomorrow can't I?" the blond questioned in a timid, innocent voice. Strange for someone who just completely gave themselves up to another man whilst in a relationship.

"Of course you can," Izaya replied very simply, opening his laptop. The light from the screen licked his face, lighting up his best features. Kida saw many more of these great features than what were actually there.

"And Izaya," he said again, forcing the man's eyes away from his screen and back to fixating on the boy, "thanks. If I saw me the way I am now, I wouldn't want me. I wouldn't be able to love me. I don't know how you do it." With a smile, the young blond finally left the office and started his trek home, back to his boyfriend to pretend that everything was back to normal.

Izaya sat alone in his office once again, and gave himself some valuable reflection time.

"Masaomi..." he said to himself, as if the boy were right there in front of him, "You want to know how I do it? How I still _love _you when you look so awful? The answer is simple. It's staring you right in the face." He started spinning around in his chair giddily, chuckling at his own personal joke. A sick, sick joke. "I don't."


	4. Information on chapter 4

Hello, on behalf BeingSecretive, I, her friend, have been told to inform you wonderful readers that she is really sorry on how late Chapter 4 has been, (believe me I have been trying for it) she is so busy that she couldn't even post this herself!

I do know that chapter 4 should be up next Friday (Friday, 15th), so mark your calendars honeybees, and she will see you then for some cracking porn, er I mean a beautiful literacy piece, on some romantic souls.

Laters xo


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